I'm not sick. I don't lose control. I don't have multiple personalities. Sometimes I have to force myself to become your little girl. I do it to punish myself." But why mommy, why?" My sniffles and whimpers continued. Maybe I still was just a boy."Because I'm evil, and I hated you."I could have been shot with a gun. My tears abandoned me and I was suddenly, terribly concerned for my life. I stepped back."But you're my mommy. You have to love me." No Calvin, I don't. Not even the Bible says a mother has to love her son." She could see me backing away, but she didn't get up from her knees."Then, maybe you're not evil." I reached for a child's logic once more."I never wanted to hurt you Calvin, I wanted to ruin your life. I wanted to turn you into a sexually repressed, walking ghost of a man. That's why I pretended to be your daughter. That's why I'd take off my clothes and later shame you for masturbating. I wanted to turn you into the kind of man I never had to fear." It isn't just. I was going to die soon.I asked him how he found me. I didn't understand what he was doing here and I was curious to know how he found me.He replied, "I received that check you sent me from the sale of the house. I tore it up. I was so pissed. Not at you. I was mad at myself for being such a stupid asshole. I realized I had let the best thing that ever happened to me get away. No, worse than that. I didn't let you get away. I drove you away. I threw you away. It didn't take long to get your address. You can't keep secrets in our little town. I got your address and drove straight through to Augusta." I had the name of the place you work. I couldn't wait for you to get home. I drove straight to your office. Your secretary told me that you were out of the office on business. So I waited in the parking lot outside of your apartment for you to come home." When you didn't come home I gave up and got a room in a nearby motel. The next day I waited in the parking lot again. I was getting.
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